Learn To Kick Some Ass

Last week we had the dreamboat of the Internet Writer Dad supplying this excellent guest post. In it Sean (for it is he) kicked the ass of ‘The Secret’ from here to somewhere a long way off, and then he kicked it all the way back again. Then just for spite, he kicked it some more.

Today’s guest post is supplied by the man that could kick all our collective asses simultaneously whilst doing a Sudoku, hoping on one leg and eating an organic green salad with a raspberry balsamic dressing, if he was so inclined.

Fortunately for us though, Mike Panebianco isn’t into random ass kicking of innocent blog readers. He’s really into helping people improve their confidence through learning how to defend themselves.

As well as being a full time Captain for South West Airlines, Mike is highly qualified in self-defense and various martial arts I’ve never heard of, but sound impressive and scary nevertheless.

Today he gives us his take on confidence. Let’s hear your thoughts on whether you agree in the comments section. And you can rest assured I won’t be supplying him with the addresses of people that think he’s talking out of his own ass.

Want True Self-Confidence? Learn To Kick Some Ass

Have you ever noticed that no matter whom you are talking to, or in proximity of, the only thing that separates you, truly separates you, is air?

I know, you’re saying, Duh! Mike that’s painfully obvious….what’s your point? My point is, many people go through life relying on the social conventions, laws, and norms to prevent a good thorough thrashing when they piss someone off. What happens when you run into someone who is, shall we say, less gentlemanly?

Visualization:

Humor me with this visualization. You’re a secure individual with a life worth leading. You live a life of purpose, and contribute to society in many ways. You have achieved some success and comfort in life, and live in a wonderful neighborhood. One fine morning you are going to call on one of your clients for a potentially huge sale. You rehearse your presentation in your car on the way over. This sale is yours to lose.

Her office is not in a great area, but there are people around, and its daytime. You park your car, enter the building and go straight for the elevators. Once inside you select the floor your client’s office is on, and the door begins to close…..

Just before the doors shut, a hand darts in, interrupting the operation and a man enters the elevator. He appears nervous, is sweating lightly, and is staring directly at you. He is bigger than you, slightly muscular, with several scars on his face. He looks like a defenseman for the Detroit Redwings Hockey club. He presses no buttons, but keeps his gaze directly on you. His nostrils are flaring. His hands are in his pockets. As the elevator begins its ascent to your floor, the man steps forward, hits the stop button and turns to face you…..

Reflection:

All of the social conventions, all of the laws, all of the cultural norms we have run our lives under have been suspended. The future and impending events are now under the directional control of a complete stranger. The only thing between you and him is, quite plainly, air. Get my point? Remove yourself from this visualization and consider this:

The confidence many of us would have had surrounded yourself with in our lives may have been in business, public speaking, relationships, finance, or entrepreneurial adventures. At this point in time, it appears to be worthless. While all of these areas provided you with confidence for self-actualization, relational and ego needs, they have not prepared you for a much more primal need. The need of safety.

Could you imagine “raising up” all of the confidence you currently possess in all of those areas, just like raising a home off a slab, and replacing that slab of concrete and sand with a bunker and steel pilings? A literal fortress to weather all storms? Take out those drafty windows and replace them with hurricane proof glass! Replace those nifty architectural shingles with a nice metal, storm ready roof!

The appearance of the house changes a bit, doesn’t it? The feel from inside when things get rough out there changes too.

What if the air between you and a potential aggressor, be it a physical, a mental, or an emotional aggressor, was actually an obstacle course of the utmost intensity for THEM to cross? A space where you knew every approach, every hide, every piece of high ground. What if the space between you and another was a strategic playground of opportunity for you? A place where you have confidence, courage, tools and knowledge to deal with what passes your way? What if you had done the training, conditioned the response, and were in control of your fears?

Consider:

I invite you to discover the empowering confidence that a true self-defense curriculum may add to your life toolbox. We have to look no further than Maslow’s hierarchy to see that safety is one of the most primal, foundational needs.

If it isn’t obvious to see what value a good self defense course is, take a few moments to Google the word assault, beating, mugging, rape, attack, or murder. I don’t use these terms to scare people, but when you read most of the accounts of people who have survived (less the murder, no exit interview there) these traumatic experiences, they, and the neighbor that seems always to get interviewed all say the same thing:

Never saw it coming. Was such a good person. Why did this happen? Just wanted to survive…. You have so much to live for. We never want to cross this bridge in our minds. Will it happen to us? I always pray not. But like anything else, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Thus this training is a ton of prevention, a megaton blast of cure. More important, it is applicable to so many other areas in our lives.

Benefit:

While the obvious benefits of taking a true self-defense course are improved personal safety and confidence, what are the indirect results?

Where would your confidence be in delivering that presentation if you knew and believed you could kick every butt at the boardroom table? How would you feel about asking for that date? How would you feel about negotiating for better terms in anything in life? How would your ability to deal with conflict on its worst terms influence the smaller, everyday conflicts we all deal with?

I find that one of my greatest benefits from this training is the ability to remain compassionate in stressful, and professionally critical situations. I already know what I can deal with, so it allows me to focus on what I can do for others without retreating to cope with a threat to myself. It allows me to be more human when the high ground dictates the need.

We all have seen people rise to positions that they seem unlikely to qualify for. How is it that they do this? Desire, belief, determination, and a boatload of confidence.

Confidence gives us the wings to confront our fears, get out of our comfort zone, and grow as individuals. On a more primal level, as in that of the safety related confidence building and self defense course, we can build a foundation of indomitable confidence to support our pursuit of higher level achievements.

While the main focus of my practice is on building young people into more capable, safe, and confident adults, the same process works for we older folk. I build life confidence through a three dimensional approach to self-defense. Ask yourself if you could benefit from learning this valuable skill. What can increased confidence do for you?

What is your pyramid built upon?

What would this level of self-confidence allow you to focus more clearly upon succeeding at?

Would your life be better with more awareness and comfort in dealing with primal fears?

Do you have a mental blueprint for your response to the possible conflicts in your life?

You can check out Mikes blog and other stuff he’s up to at Able Training Systems. If you’re in the Orlando he also does occasional group training and you can follow him on Twitter here.

The sale of Know Yourself – Change Yourself is almost over. It will be an ex-ebook very soon. Hurrah! You may be thinking and you may be right, but I have crafted the ugliest sales page in the history of the Interent to tempt some stragglers

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24 Comments So Far.

Comment by Hilary on 26 March 2009:

Whew! Thank God you got us out of that elevator before it all got ugly.

As a woman, I have never stood in a boardroom and considered whether I could take the other members out. Maybe that’s because the answer is obvious. I’m trying to open my mind to this, having always had an aversion to Rambo types who consider themselves heroes because they have the bigger guns (I have never watched Rambo so I’m speaking from a position of pure prejudice here), but I wonder if this is part of the reason women still largely take the disempowered position in the world.

I do like Ziva on NCIS. Hmmm . . . thinking . . .

Hilarys last blog post..Pond life
Comment by Tracy on 26 March 2009:

I have actually been the victim of somebody not recognizing social conventions and breaking the air barrier. Actually, I think the reason I’m not traumatized by it is because it was so bizarre and unconventional that my reaction is still a hearty “WTF?!?!” Just out of the blue during the mid afternoon in a well populated area a mentally ill man punched me in the face and knocked me down and kicked me while I was walking with two of my children. Like I said, completely and totally bizarre.

The weird thing is, although I was understandably shaky for a while and jumpy while out in public, after a few weeks I regained all the confidence I lost and if anything felt more secure. I suppose it’s because I managed to more or less keep my wits about me and got through the situation as best I could when I’d always imagined I’d completely lose it and go into a fetal position if somebody hit me.

That said, thanks for the great guest post Mike. I’d already planned on enrolling the boys in Tae Kwon Do this summer and I think I’ll see if there is a class I could take. Truth be told though, just starting a class like that will take a lot of guts for me because I’m remarkably uncoordinated and was once laughed out of step aerobics (that is not a joke, one of my few moments of feeling total humiliation).

Tracys last blog post..Shangri-La Diet Week 2.5
Comment by Tracy on 26 March 2009:

@Hilary, you know I think that’s a good point. My husband isn’t really the Rambo type, but he’s a 6′2″ guy with a muscular build and I do think that has colored his experience with the world. I’ve noticed people seem to give him a certain amount of deference upon meeting him and I think that’s part of why he is such a confident person. He just exudes competence and leadership. Of course, he is smart and has a great personality, but I also think he’s been on a positive feedback loop pretty much all his adult life.

So, while not taking anything away from my husband’s very real skills, it’s a case where it seems like people are fairly tripping over themselves to put him in charge of things where I think a woman or a less imposing man would have to work much harder to be seen in the same light.

Tracys last blog post..Shangri-La Diet Week 2.5
Comment by Stephen – Rat Race Trap on 26 March 2009:

Mike, I’m 47 and have always had this nagging desire to learn some kind of martial arts. 1) Am I too old? I’m afraid some youngster would break my bones. 2) What is the best version of what Tim can’t pronounce for old people like me?

Stephen – Rat Race Traps last blog post..How to Be Successful by Developing Killer Habits
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 27 March 2009:

Good morning all! Had just a minute so early this morning to check in. I am just blasting off to Tucson, Arizona from Orlando, so I will be in with responses early this afternoon!
Comment by Melinda on 27 March 2009:

So Mike, how does this work for a female, one of the weaker sex? With only a few exceptions, 99% of males on this planet are going to be stronger than us. Confidence isn’t going to replace actually physical strength if someone is intent on harm.

I’m about 5′6″ and lucky to hit 60kg on the scales (no idea what that is in pounds). Is self defence actually going to achieve anything if I ever have to face off with the dude in the elevator who sounds like he’s three times my size?

BTW, I agree with you it building confidence. I’m concerned though that it may be a false sense of security that could result in the person putting themselves in danger.

Melindas last blog post..Business Practices that Make you Look Bad
Comment by Tim Brownson on 27 March 2009:

I’m going to let Mike field most of the comments here because this is his thang.

I’ll say this though. Mike isn’t your archetypal big guy that likes to get drunk and hang out in bars looking for people to punch.

As an airline pilot he’s slight more cerebral than that.

Also, I’ve spent and afternoon with him demoing what he does and it’s awesome. I’m now thinking of getting drunk and hanging out in bars looking for people to punch.

I think what he does is particularly effective for people that think they can’t do it. Personally, I would love my wife to do it and not purely rely on releasing the hounds if she feels threatened.

I got turned onto it after reading the brilliant book ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin de Becker, go buy it.

I abhor violence. It is a very last resort, but unfortunately unlike one of my early NLP teachers that got mugged, I don’t think it’s always self-inflicted.

I got attacked twice in my youth. Both times from behind and with literally zero provocation on my part. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I did some boxing in my later teenage years and that isn’t much comfort with 4 guys stood round you asking for your jacket. What Mike teaches would have made me feel more confident. That if things had escalated I could have coped to the point of getting me into a position to get the hell out of there.
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 27 March 2009:

Ah, Terra Firma! Well folks, just landed in Tucson, Arizona and thought I’d try to get to some of these very thought provoking comments.

@Hilary. I know the title and the medium might suggest that a certain level of bravado is present in learning self defense, and its transfer to non violent applications. I get that a lot, and it can’t be further from the reality, or intent of what I do. You are not the weaker sex, and I have scars to prove it.

Each of us has inherent strengths, regardless of our body size, musculature, and fitness level. The system I coach under is called Personal Defense Readiness, developed by Coach Tony Blauer. While I have trained in several, and have taught several other systems, this is my main focus. Why? Because it has not forgotten you!

It would take a bloc of 3 pages to explain all of the nuances, but I must say that my training partner in Coach certification was a young woman from Columbus, Ohio, and she left dents on me, and I did not lob softballs at her. The real secret is not in our bodies, it is in our minds!!

Belief! Yes you can. I can show you how!

@Tracy- I am thankful for your story. I know Tim has had a similar experience as well. It is great that you have recovered from the ambush. Those are pretty rare, and are the most difficult to defend against.

Having faced a few life and death moments, it is true that the WTF…(Over) moments grip us in times like that. This is why we train so hard on things that others find silly. The scenario dictates the response, so we have to question our tactics constantly and adjust for those ambush moments. If that man had chosen to continue his attack, you would need to get into motion pretty quickly to avoid even further injury.

I teach no super ninja tactics here. Most combat professionals would never utilize a hollywood quality tactic in true self defense. In fact, the secret weapon of high adrenaline survival is actually keeping it simple. Gross motor tools, combined with a conditioned awareness of self and environment is what I prefer. And yes, they can be delivered devastatingly by the slightest framed female.

I will follow on the next comment….
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 27 March 2009:

@Stephen,

1, You are not too old! I had an 86 year old woman last summer give me a bloody lip through my gear. In fact, one of the most dangerous men I know is about your age……

2, I am not sure where you live, but there are Personal Defense Readiness Coaches worldwide. I am not sure if Tim wants me to put the link on here, so if you would like, I will email it to you if that is ok. I would say that if you do not want to do a full “Martial Arts” curriculum, go with PDR, or even find a Keysi Fighting Method school. (Big in the UK, Germany, Spain). Many great schools, and guys that I have met and trained with.

Traditional Arts, Aikido, Judo, Kenpo, Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Jiu Jitsu are all great. The problem is that sometimes they pass off a lot of complex skills as self defense. When you learn more about what adrenaline does to the body’s nervous system, you will find that often these skills just won’t be available to you when you most need them. Self defense is like anything else….fundamentals, repetition, and truth in training. I can go deeper down that path if need be.

@Melinda, That dude three times your size sees you as dinner, not as a mongoose. (hopefully everyone gets that). His confidence doesn’t see yours. His overestimation of his ability leaves him vulnerable to yours. His belief that he will easily win will be his new distraction when you land a stunning blow, then follow up with the savage survival tools that you will train.

His biggest enemy is your will. You and I would sit down and discuss the things in your life that make you get up and live. We will talk about your spouse, or your children, or your parents. We will bring you to the thought of that very same man trying to take these people or things from you. That he is somehow harming them, and you, and you will find the secret to the survival that so many generations of humans have used…..

The power of indignation… “How dare you”… It is a rage that produces the power people have had to lift cars off of a loved one, the power to thwart a would be attacker, the power to save your life.

We reinforce your natural power (flinch, mechanical advantages) with an enhanced awareness and emotional conditioning. We build tools to use in conjunction with performance enhancing psychology. We give you drills to work through, physically, emotionally, verbally. We give you the opportunity to blueprint success.

You are not the weaker sex. You are the underestimated sex, and that gives you some real power here.

You can do this, and the best part is, once you have faith in yourself, you need not dwell on it, you just go about your life. You are a little wiser, a little stronger, and a much more compassionate and caring person because you know the air between you and me has some teeth now. You need not dwell there, because you have tools.
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 27 March 2009:

Guys,
I havent forgotten you, my replies are awaiting Tim’s moderation function. Thanks for your thoughtful comments and questions!
Comment by Melinda on 27 March 2009:

Thanks Michael – great food for thought! I like being underestimated!

Melindas last blog post..Business Practices that Make you Look Bad
Comment by Melinda on 27 March 2009:

BTW Michael, would you have any links to Personal Defence Readiness coaches in Australia?

Melindas last blog post..Business Practices that Make you Look Bad
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 27 March 2009:

Melinda, I just checked the main website, and I didn’t see anyone in Australia, but I know Coach Blauer has friends there. I will shoot him an email and see if he has some preferred trainers there.
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 27 March 2009:

Melinda,
I should have asked, but where in Australia are you so I can narrow it down.

Thanks.
Comment by Melinda on 28 March 2009:

Canberra. :-)

Melindas last blog post..Business Practices that Make you Look Bad
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 28 March 2009:

Melinda,

Apparently there is a coach in Australia, but he is moving. When I hear where he is moving to I will notify you. If you need more info, please dont hesitate to contact me. (I consult on getting set up in learning self defense free of charge) I will help you get set up and off to a good start if you would like.
Comment by Steve Errey – The Confidence Guy on 29 March 2009:

Hmmmm…an interesting one. I’m stopping and thinking, because this is forcing to me to look at things in a completely different way.

I’m not a physical guy and even though I’ve picked up a few tips from watching the Matrix, I don’t think I’d be much good in a fist fight. I can certainly see the value in self-defence and can see a certain confidence that would come from that.

I think what this approach does is leverage evidence of confidence in one area to establish confidence in others. As Tim said in the comments, “what he does is particularly effective for people that think they can’t do it”.

This is in my approach too – you point out to someone that they have confidence in one area and then demonstrate how they can apply that same state to others areas where they might not feel as confident.

Using your body to anchor that confidence is a smart move, as your body acts as a mirror for what’s happening in your head anyway.

Right, I’m off to buy a vest and practice my wall-runs.

Steve Errey – The Confidence Guys last blog post..Confidence Interview – Michael Bungay Stanier
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 29 March 2009:

@ Steve, thanks for the comments. I do wholeheartedly agree that this is a great anchor for life’s more challenging moments.

The foundational value of safety, coupled with a decreased incidence of unnecessary escalation due to fear or ego make this a great vehicle for development.

Many resiliency traits such as problem solving, proactive thought, and the ever so difficult “serendipity effect” are programmed in the drills that we do. It can be a fun activity also. I like to make training very light when it can be, there is no machismo built in.

Thank you all for your comments! Melinda, I am still working on the contact in Australia. I thought of you today in Los Angeles when I followed Quantas for landing.

Thanks for the opportunity and privilege of speaking to your group Tim. I welcome you all to fire away at me on my blog any time. I am far from a good writer, but I care about getting the info out there for you to use.
Comment by Tim Brownson on 29 March 2009:

@ Steve – I had t say mate, I read your comment on my iPhone walking out of the mall this afternoon and I was laughing out loud about The Matrix. Nice one!
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 9 April 2009:

Melinda,

Unfortunately, our coach affiliate was in Sydney, but dropped off the scope due to the requirement to return for recurrent training. (It used to be in Montreal) If we get another one down under in the near future, I will link you to them.

If you have specific questions or would like to discuss the topic further, no commitment necessary, I will share some insights with you. Mike@abletrainingsystem.com

Cheers!
Comment by Carbine on 14 April 2009:

Hey, you’re absolutely correct. I finally signed up for martial arts classes 3 years ago, something I’ve wanted to do since I was a little girl. It’s amazing what you learn – and it’s not what you would have expected. I can’t say enough about it. I’ve gotten a new job, quit smoking, and emotionally am much more stable. I’m not as timid, not as controlling (because I know I am in control of myself); I trust other people more, not just to do things correctly, but to learn from their own mistakes. I’ve learned to answer a question yes or no, not jump ahead to the question I think is next, or the accusation I fear is coming. I’ve learned to speak up. I’ve learned to respect my family, my friends, my master and partners in class, others in general, regardless of personal feelings. I’ve learned to expect respect. I’ve learned to expect new situations to arise, and to feel confident that I can rise to meet the challenge. It’s not about kicking ass (although hitting the target solidly, or blocking an attack is a great feeling), but about being prepared to help those in need. But mostly I’ve learned I have muscles in places I never knew I had because they are SORE!! :)
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 15 April 2009:

I think you have surrounded and encapsulated the entire spirit of my post. While kicking ass is more for aesthetic effect, the spirit of “lengthening your line” rather than shortening that of another is what personal improvement is all about.

Tim has provided so many excellent posts and tools here, I am honored to have been included and given the opportunity to speak to all of you.
Comment by Scooter bearings on 31 May 2009:

I think what he does is particularly effective for people that think they can’t do it.

Scooter bearingss last blog post..China TEX Series Bearing Manufacturer, Supplier, Exporter
Comment by Michael Panebianco on 1 June 2009:

Thank you scooter, I intend to make believers out of my clients. That belief can lead to success in other life plans that rest upon the need for safety.