Had A Bad Day? How Do You Know?

Posted on 27 February 2007

A farmer had small plot of land, if he worked day and night 7 days a week with his son there would be just enough food for him and his family to exist on.

One day his only horse ran away. A neighbor heard the terrible news and went round to comfort him.

‘I have heard about your horse running away and that is terrible news’
 ‘No it isn’t?’ said the farmer.
‘What do you mean said his friend I know how hard you work with that horse, that without it you cannot feed your family, that is just terrible’
‘Ah’ said the farmer ‘but what you don’t know is that the horse came back, and not only did it come back, but it brought two other horse with it, I’ve got 3 of them now!’
‘Wow’ said the neighbor ‘that is fantastic news.’
‘No it isn’t’ said the farmer!
‘What do you mean’ said the neighbor ‘you have 3 horses it will be easier you will have more food, more spare time, I don’t get it’
‘Well what you don’t know’ said the farmer ‘is that my son tried to tame one of the horses, got thrown off and broke both his legs, now he cannot help me’
‘Oh my goodness, that’s terrible news’ said the neighbor’
‘ No it isn’t’ said the farmer
‘Wait a minute’ said the neighbor ‘how can that not be a catastrophe to you and your family, you need your son’
‘Because today the militia came by and recruited all the able bodied men and skipped my son because of his broken legs.’ said the farmer
 ‘That’s fantastic news said the neighbor.
‘No it isn’t said the farmer’

That story goes on ad infinitum as you can imagine. What it demonstrates is perspective. Seldom do we know when an event happens what will be the long-term implications. A job firing could lead to a better job or finally working for yourself, a long line in the post office when you are late for an appointment may mean you speak to somebody that alters the course of your life for the better, a traffic jam on the Interstate may cause you to tune into a radio show that you wouldn’t normally listen to resulting in some information that leads to a breakthrough in your life, a bankruptcy may cause you to reassess and start again with experience that you couldn’t buy with any amount of money and so on.

Of course you could make yourself miserable by dwelling on a negative that may indeed be a huge positive, but I’m sure you are far too sensible to do that.

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No News Is Good News!

Posted on 26 February 2007

I used to be an avid news follower when I lived in the UK. I would listen to the news and news programmes on BBC radio several hours a day and also watch it on tv in the evenings too.

Then a few years ago I started to question what I was doing. I was spending upwards of 3 or 4 hours a day in my car traveling all over the UK and at the end of each day what did I have to show for it? Absolutely nothing other than a good general knowledge on world politics and a few meetings attended. I hadn’t learned anything of any importance, I often hadn’t laughed at anything and I rarely heard anything positive. That was when I decided to use that time more efficiently and started to buy audio cd’s from the companies that I have listed on my website:

http://www.adaringadventure.com/life-coach-orlando-coaching.html

Now when I was alone in my car I could use the time to my benefit and actually enjoy long drives and not get stressed when stuck in traffic jams. This was fun and after all I could catch up on the news in the evenings if I wanted.

The first week I arrived in the US I had to make a 40-minute drive from where I was living to downtown Orlando. I had a hire car and was listening one of the news channels (I forget which now). During that drive I heard the following: Bird Flu was imminent, Al Queda were planning to attack mainland USA, almost 1 million Americans die each year from heart disease and a story that said if I wasn’t worried about kidney disease, then I should be! I felt terrible by the time I reached my destination.

I finally ‘got it’ when we were in the build up to what looked like becoming Hurricane Ernesto. There was blanket news coverage as you would expect but at the last moment the storm was downgraded and also took a detour and was going to miss central Florida. Fox news went to their news crews up and down the coast to get their view. In NLP we often talk about being congruent, i.e. that your words, tonality and body language are all in sync with one another. This was a classic case of lacking any congruence whatsoever as reporter after reporter said the words that it was good news but displayed the body language to suggest that they were disappointed. Ok it was a potential catastrophe but c’mon it was big news, it had people worried and glued to their TV’s, there could be journalistic prizes to be had and think of those advertising dollars!

Local TV news is worthless in my opinion. Its stock in trade is people misery and fear. It offers little of any value and serves only to bring us all down often just before we go to bed at night. It’s easy to catch up on the weather if that is important to you and the Internet allows you to search and find any important stories quickly and easily should you so wish.

I have weaned myself off the news now and I feel better for it. Maybe I am fooling myself and should really be worrying myself sick about kidney disease but I guess I’ll have to learn to live with my own naivety.

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Report Spam And Help Save The World

Posted on 24 February 2007

When the great Monty Python sang about liking ham and jam and spamalot little did they know of the negative connotations that last word would realize decades later. Literally billions of pieces of spam either electronic or the traditional paper type are circulating at any one point in time. Some of it is malicious, some plain annoying and most at the very best, a waste of time and energy for the receivers

Currently I get about 10 pieces of junk mail per day in my letterbox. (Note to the worst culprit American Express: Go away, I don’t want your card and even if I did I would rather cut my own spleen out with a butter knife than give you my business) Every single one has been going straight into the trash unopened. I used to take out the return envelopes and gleefully (and somewhat childishly I admit) send them back empty and hope that would help companies realize that this simply wasn’t worth the expense. Of course the percentages we are talking about and the billions of pieces of junk that we receive every year meant I was attempting something akin to emptying an Olympic swimming pool with a sieve. So I gave that up and decided to just dump the stuff. The problem now is that I have twice inadvertently thrown away legitimate mail from my bank and it almost cost me $35 for an unpaid bill that I never saw. So I am back to dealing with this garbage and wasting 3 or 4 minutes of my day, or should I say, having 3 or 4 minutes of my day stolen?

E-mail spam is an altogether more sinister matter. Over the last 24 hours I reckon that I have received over 100 pieces of spam and I have now reluctantly taken the decision to close a number of my mail boxes down which makes me feel kind of defeated but nothing else I do is working so I have to deal with it somehow.

The people I really blame for all this are not really the spammers (although I do dislike them with a passion normally reserved for tourists that insists on turning left from the right hand lane on the I4) but the people that actually open and respond to this stuff! Don’t do it people! They rely on tiny fractions of recipients acting on this BS and every time you open an e-mail and respond you are fueling the fire and making it a worthwhile exercise for them and harder work for everybody else.

In fact go further and report them:

http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/edcams/spam/report.html

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To Unsubscribe - Click here >>

Posted on 23 February 2007

Yesterday I unsubscribed to the yet another hardcore advertising message masquerading as a newsletter. What on earth has happened to something that was once a great source of information?

Only a year ago I received six great coaching and marketing newsletters that I looked forward to and read with interest each month (actually 3 were monthly and 3 weekly).

I am now down to just two  with NLP Comprehensive http://www.adaringadventure.com/life-coach-orlando-coaching.html being my favorite. Why is that? Simply put, I am sick to death of wading through 90% advertising to find any useful information. I can do that on the Internet if I want to, I do not need it coming into my in-box.

It seems to me like these companies are not just embracing permission marketing but smothering it to death at birth.

I must stress that I have no problem at all with people using this medium to try and sell me something relevant and I have indeed bought this way before. Now however, it seems that it has become a competition to see who can sell, up sell, cross sell and affiliate sell you the most brazenly.  After all YOU gave them your e-mail address so YOU must want all this stuff, right?

When I started my own newsletter in January I was determined to make it as interesting and informative as I could without trying to pries every last penny out of my readers hands. I sheepishly admit that I do affiliate market to companies that I think offer great products and services but less than 5% of any one of my newsletters is advertising. In fact, if anybody reads this blog, subscribes to my newsletter on my home page, and then a year down the road sees me doing what I am now whining about, please shoot me! Actually, maybe not shoot me, (I keep forgetting I live in the USA now where people take stuff like that seriously) but certainly give me a stiff talking to and maybe tell my mum about me.

You can sign up for Tim’s newsletter and give him all your money at www.adaringadventure.com
 

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Are You An Axe-Wielding Maniac? No Problem, Become A Life Coach

Posted on 22 February 2007

I was searching the web this week looking for some statistics on life and business coaching when I stumbled across a company that offered training to become a coach. The problem with coaching in the USA is that it is unregulated and as such anybody can set up a company to train coaches and knock out an impressive looking certificate from their very expensive printer to boot. Of course, there are also a lot of highly reputable and professional companies that require dedication, commitment and no little amount of time but it is the former organizations that concern me.

So anyway, I was looking at this site when I saw a ‘free test’ section. Sad though it may seem I am a sucker for these things and always have to have a go. In fact it could have been ‘see if you are the ideal candidate for receiving anesthetic-free brain surgery’ and I’d have been ticking away at those boxes with gusto to see if I qualified. This one was a tad more prosaic and was to decide whether I would potentially make a good coach so it was fairly pertinent and not an unreasonable use of my time. Quite frankly if it had come back with ‘No, get out of coaching now and run for the hills’ I’m not really sure what I would have done. Of course it didn’t, it told me I was highly suited to hand over all my money to them and train to be a life coach (Ok, maybe it didn’t say the bit about handing over ALL my money but it sure felt like that).

I was relieved, but them a thought struck me. I wonder of they ever say that somebody is unsuitable. I tried again and changed my scores somewhat and still got the same answer. Once more I did it and quite frankly gave ridiculous answers such as 0 on a scale or 0 –10 on my ability to listen and 1 on the same scale for an ability to show empathy for people in difficult situations. Congratulations! You are and ideal candidate to become a life coach! I wanted to type back, ‘are you serious, I’m quite obviously as mad as a hatter that has been on a mercury drinking binge and not at all suitable to coach anybody’? But they missed out that box.

Oh well, I guess my naivety caught me out once more and people even in this industry are not afraid to look to rip people off. So the moral of this story is that if you want to become a coach, research the company that you are thinking of using, and research them well. On the other hand if you just want to work with a coach make sure they have listening skills above 0 and maybe research them a bit too.

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Ask For Help

Posted on 21 February 2007

I had my sister and brother-in-law staying in January and they hired a car from Thrifty to drive down to the Florida Keys for a few days and inadvertently left their binoculars in the rental car on return.

After they had returned back to the UK and unaware that they had left anything behind, I got a call from Thrifty advising me they had been found. Unfortunately we live about 25 miles away from the rental return so I said I would pick them up when I was next over that side of town. I called in twice and both times lost property was closed. Once was my fault because it was Saturday and I should have realized there would be nobody there but the other time was midweek just after 4.00pm and I only missed them by a minute or two.

The lady that originally phoned to tell me they had been found called two or three times more but we kept missing each other for one reason or another. Then today she caught me just as I finished a meeting. She had phoned to explain that they were only allowed to keep items for 30 days and that my time was up and as they were due an inventory she couldn’t keep them stored any longer. Seeing as there was no way I could drive over before next Wednesday when I will be collecting my in-laws from the airport I tried to persuade her otherwise. We talked for about 2 or 3 minutes with no resolution in sight when I changed tack and asked for help. I simply said ‘Is there anyway you can help me resolve this situation because there is no way that I can get to you before next week?’

That one sentence created a quantum shift in the ladies attitude to me. She went from being efficient and curt to trying to come up with all sorts of ideas involving FedEx and UPS. Eventually and without me really saying anything more she said ‘I’ll tell you what, I’ll make an exception in this case and put them to one side until next week’ I thanked her profusely and hung up.

People on the whole like to lend a hand, we like to feel needed it makes us feel good. How often do you stop somebody for directions and they refuse help? Maybe every once in a while if they are not local but on the whole people love to help. Too often in life we battle away on our own because that’s the way we have always done it, when a simple request for help will not only make us feel better but give somebody else the chance to feel better about themselves too.

Now that is what I call a win/win situation!

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Fake It, Till You Make It

Posted on 19 February 2007

I was talking to a lady that had contacted me abut coaching through the website the other day when she brought up the problem of procrastination. I said to her that this was a common problem that I encounter and if her procrastination was that bad she probably wouldn’t have e-mailed me in the first place. Afterwards I was thinking about this and started flicking back through some clients notes. I now reckon that is the single biggest issue that people come to me with. I think if I’d have guessed prior to that I would have said dissatisfaction with their job or maybe stress management but they weren’t even close.

So why is it that we procrastinate? Firstly, I would like to say that we pretty much all do it from time to time and it is nothing to beat ourselves up about. (see last paragraph)

My personal opinion is that it comes from a human desire to keep the status quo and shy away from change. Procrastination often leaves things exactly as they are right up until the very moment that proceeding to procrastinate causes us problems. Not exercising until we become ill, not cutting down on eating fatty foods until we become overweight, not writing that report until the boss is hallowing in our ear etc This is all part of the pain and pleasure NLP Meta program, the belief that our actions are either designed to move us away from pain or towards pleasure at any one point in time. I don’t really want to go any further into Meta programs as I think I will cover that in depth in my newsletter at some stage www.adaringadventure.com

What I would like to suggest though is a simple strategy for stopping procrastination. It is simply the fake it until you make it strategy. This can be used in many areas of your life and can be incredibly successful if implemented correctly and with a sense of fun.

So what if next time you couldn’t make a decision, you just guessed? That you picked one route, one decision, or one outcome and stuck to it? Forget whether it was the correct decision in the long run, that’s not important, just celebrate that you made on at all.

So how does this help with the bigger stuff that you know what to do but don’t want to do it you may ask? Well again, just fake it. Decide to pretend that you never procrastinate and stick with it for 3 or 4 weeks. It will feel weird but that’s ok, because it’s only a game after all and you can go back to how you were at the end of the experiment.

Decision-making is like anything else in life, the more we do it, the better we get at it. So by faking decisions you are sending a signal to your unconscious that you are good at this decision making stuff because it doesn’t really know the difference between faking something and just doing it. So in time you actually do become proficient at getting stuff done and it’s no longer necessary to fake it.

By the way. I started to write this blog on Sunday and half way though got distracted and put it off. The irony was completely lost on me until this morning when I returned to it!

 

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Great Books On Business

Posted on 17 February 2007

I really enjoyed compiling the list yesterday about great books on self-development and thought I’d indulge myself further today and look at great sales, marketing and leadership books.

Again, as before some of these books or cd’s can be bought by clicking on:

http://www.adaringadventure.com/life-coach-orlando-coaching.html

and then looking for the company that is in brackets and clicking through. The rest should be available through Amazon.

1.  Customer Satisfaction Is Worthless, Customer Loyalty Is Priceless by Jeffrey Gitomer – Just a fantastic sensible book that tells you how to get your customer service right. As Gitomer quite rightly says the minimum our customers expect now is satisfaction and it is necessary to go way past that to attain loyalty and keep customers for life.
2. Selling The Invisible by Harry Beckwith – In handy pocket size and cutting across sales, marketing and branding with clear sensible easy to ready advice. It is a must for any budding entrepreneur that is about to launch their first business and a great field guide for the rest of us.
3. The E Myth Seminar by Michael Gerber – 6 cd set that should be bought and studied by anybody that is interested in starting a franchise or even just running a business correctly. Gerber coined the phrase ‘working on the business not in the business. (Nightingale Conant or Red Shop)
4. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie – This is almost a self-development book but I still think of it as a business book. Packed full of great advice and sensible suggestions to create win/win scenarios. (Red Shop)
5. Business Applications of NLP by Lara Ewing – If you are interested to know how NLP can help you boost your performance in business buy this 2 x cd set and you will become enlightened! (NLP Comprehensive)
6. Permission Marketing by Seth Godin – I could have included 3 or 4 books by Seth Godin but this one gets the nod as it defined the field. If you want to sell online (and who doesn’t?) this book will tell you what you need to know about building a loyal online customer base.
7. Six Thinking Hats by Edward de Bono – If you manage people and regularly conduct meetings that never seem to go quite as you had planned, go and grab a copy of this book, implement the practices and enjoy great results.
8. First Things First by Stephen Covey – The best time management book I have ever read and a worthy follow up to The 7 Habits Of…’ (Franklin Covey)
9. The Fight for Competitive Advantage by Tom Peters and Richard Scase – a rather expensive 5 cd set of these guys live. If you cannot afford it buy anything by Tom Peters. (Red Shop)
10. The Power Of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr & Tony Swartz – A stunning book that I would encourage anybody to read that wants to take an holistic approach to their life and see huge improvements. These guys have set the bar on performance and tell you how to reach it in simple effective steps.

I hope you enjoy any you may read and as always, I’d love feedback via my website

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Great Books On Coaching & Self-Development

Posted on 16 February 2007

I was put on the spot this week when I was gushing over a new self-development book I had just read. The person I was talking to asked me what my top 5 books on personal growth and/or life coaching were? I love composing lists and have done so many times covering wildly diverse topics like favorite movies to movies I have walked out on and the best Derby County team of all time (soccer to the uninitiated)  to the worst St Louis Rams players of all time. It’s fun to do stuff like that, especially with like-minded souls taking part, but I had to confess I had never thought about this actual subject.

So maybe it’s about time to give it a go. I’m going to stick to books or audio cd’s that I know are still available because there is nothing worse than somebody recommending something and then being told, well actually you can’t have it!

Some of the books can be bought by clicking on:

 http://www.adaringadventure.com/life-coach-orlando-coaching.html

and then looking for the company that is in brackets and clicking through. I am guessing the rest will be available through Amazon.

1. The Maverick Mindset by John Eliot – I have this brilliant book on a 7 cd audio set and it blows me away time and time again. If you want to know how to think like a top performer, go and buy this. It is full of amazing stories and is told with passion and enthusiasm. (Nightingale Conant)
2. How To Be A Complete And Utter Failure In Life Business & Everything by Steve McDermott – Single cd or book that will have you laughing out loud. McDermott’s delivery is fantastic and while you laugh you will start to realize that beliefs are not set in stone and that we can overcome any that maybe holding us back. (Red Shop)
3. The Success Principles by Jack Canfield – Again I have the unabridged 5 cd version. This was a real a-ha book for me. Packed with wisdom and common sense but absolutely not for those that don’t want to take responsibility for their actions.
4. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell – I’m not sure if this falls into the self-development category but I’m including it anyway. Lots of insight into how we think and some fascinating conclusions
5. Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill – It maybe edging close to being 100 years old but it is without doubt a classic. Probably the first book of its kind and stands up today as a great tool for self-development. If you liked The Secret, you will like this. (Nightingale Conant)
6. The Why Café by John P Strelecky – A parable for modern living that can be read in a couple of hours but is guaranteed to make you think about your life. (The Why Café)
7. The 7 Habits by Stephen Covey – No list like this would be complete without this seminal book. Still as good as it was 25 years ago. (Franklins Covey)
8. The Life Coaching Handbook by Curly Martin – A fabulous starting point for anybody that wants to become a coach and the book that finally made me realize I no longer wanted to work in sales. (NLP Comprehensive)
9. Mans Search For Meaning by Victor Frankl – Harrowing account of his time spent in Nazi concentration camps but above all an uplifting story demonstrating mans ability to rise above his surroundings no matter how desperate they may seem.
10. Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins – The first book on NLP that I ever read. More accessible than a lot of technical NLP books and packed with great advice and ways to improve your life. Available on cd (Nightingale Conant)

I can’t believe I write that and left out Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra and Richard Bandler but I had to draw the line somewhere.

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There But For The Grace Of God

Posted on 15 February 2007

I read with sadness this week that pop star Robbie Williams used his 33rd birthday to check himself into rehab for drink and drug problems. For those of you in the US that don’t know who he is, let me tell you he is huge in the UK and Europe. He started in a boy band called Take That in the early 90’s and launched a solo career about 10 years ago. His first album although coolly received initially by all but the more astute critics soon spread by word of mouth and catapulted him to superstardom. It mixed biting, insightful often auto-biographical lyrics with great pop tunes and was delivered with a rare gusto and verve that eventually got the recognition it deserved

Williams is a brilliant live performer brimming with self-confidence and charisma, adored by the ladies and respected by the guys. He is funny and down to earth whilst at the same time looking to have that hollow look in his eyes that so often accompanies people that are deeply lonely.

It seems there is hardly a week goes by when somebody famous isn’t either exposed as a drug taker, alcohol abuser or sex addict and the only surprise to me is that anybody is ever surprised anymore. Society puts these people on pedestals, gives them wealth beyond avarice, showers them with adulation and then wonders why they find it hard to cope with life away from the spotlight. Quite frankly I am astonished that so many do deal with it and do not end up as total basket cases.

Do you know for a fact that you could deal with the constant pressure of performing to an adoring public? Would the back-biting and relentless digs at you from the more jealous members of the media run off your back with no ill effect? Do you know that you would always say no to that relaxing extra drink or the drugs that would allow you to keep the high well after the event? Isn’t performing to huge crowds an addictive high anyway? If you could manage that and a whole lot more, then congratulations you are indeed a grounded person and I also suspect that you are a member of a small minority.

I have no doubt that many will judge and condemn Robbie Williams and even take pleasure in seeing his downfall. Personally I hope he bounces back better than ever and uses this experience as a valuable lesson in life.

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