Like any industry, the Life Coaching and self-development industry is rampant with half-baked ideas, poor advice and urban myths. It’s not always easy to pick the wheat from the chaff because some of them have become so ingrained in popular belief that to question them is almost seen as heresy.
Well I for one love a bit of heresy (everything in moderation), so I thought I’d take a look at some of the more popular myths and offer my take on them. Feel free to disagree or even offer some cool ones of your own because trust me, there’s plenty more out there.
1. We Only Use 10% Of Our Brain
I still see this one Tweeted from time to time decades after it has been proven to be completely untrue. It would be somewhat closer to being true if people said, “we only use 10% of our brain at any given time”, but even then it’s inaccurate, unless of course you’re a politician.
Recently I heard a motivational speaker claim (and I’m paraphrasing),
“Science can’t possible dismiss the law of attraction when scientist themselves only use 10% of their brains.”
If it were true it would kind of make sense. I mean come on, if we’re only using 10% of our mental ability and have still managed to invent the Internet, space travel and cabbage patch dolls, what could we do if we tapped into the other 90%?
The irony is the people making such claims may be the exceptions to the rule. When there is so much evidence staked up against them to prove otherwise, it seems they indeed may only be using 10% of their brains.
2. Positive Thinking Is Easy
This is another Twitter favorite as it can easily slip into 140 characters. Somebody will say something along the lines of;
“It takes as much energy to think a positive thought as it does a negative one”
It’s a lovely thought and it sure would make the world a more pleasant place if it were true and people practiced it, but it isn’t.
If you have a tendency to think negatively, you will need to expend more energy to break that pattern and think positively. You’ll need to kick you conscious mind into play as well as your unconscious, because without conscious intervention your background thoughts tend not to change.
The example I usually use to demonstrate this, is to think of the first day at a new job. No matter how little work you do, you’re still probably worn out at the end of the day. That’s because so much is new, so much needs your conscious awareness and that requires physical energy in he form of glucose, which is a finite resource.
This thinking malarkey can, and will, wear you out which so many people just leave it on automatic pilot.
Oh and by the way, do you ever wonder why so many people have a tendency to think negatively? Why really bubbly optimistic people stand out in the crowd?
So do I and whereas I don’t know for sure what the answer is, I’m highly suspicious that it’s down to the media in all its forms.
Womens magazines glamorizing ultra-thin models, news stations delivering a constant stream of bad news, TV programs hurling violence at us, advertisers looking for new ways to prove how empty our lives are without their products etc.
Is it really any wonder there are so many unhappy, negative people in the world?
3. It Takes 28 Days To Form A Habit
I have written in depth on forming habits before, but I really can’t write such a post without at least tipping my hat to this old chestnut of a myth because it seems to be part of the the very fabric of self-development.
To begin with, let’s leave to one side the rather obvious question of how long is 28 days? Doing something for 10 hours per day for 28 days is not the same as doing something for 5 minutes per day for the same length of time, but that’s just me being picky.
If you want to form a new habit of bouncing out of bed and pumping iron for 30 minutes before breakfast every day it would be great to think you only had to do so for 28 days (or 21 or 30 depending on your own favorite self-development guru) before it would be ingrained as a habit for a lifetime.
Er, except it wouldn’t.
I know lots of people that have been gym regulars for 3 months and then quit. Been daily meditators for 2 years and then stopped almost overnight (that one is me by the way and I’m just starting to kick it off again) and eaten a healthy diet for many weeks before sliding back at the sight of a Big Mac never to pick up a stick of celery again.
The reason people relapse so easily is because they were never true habits in the first place. They were always conscious decisions and for something to be a true habit it has to be ingrained at an unconscious level.
Think of your long-term habits and ask yourself are you just likely to stop them without any effort whatsoever?
Almost certainly not because they’ve been grooved over years. Doing something for 28 days doesn’t do that, and quite frankly I don’t care what Stephen Covey says.
4. Always Write it Down
There are huge benefits to writing things down when it comes to self-development. Written goals are more powerful than goals that can only be found floating around inside your head.
Most people have heard of the experiment done at Yale Universities in the early 1950’s regarding written goal setting. The researchers tracked the progress of 100 students, 3 of whom had written goals and 97 who did not.
A decade later when the researchers returned to question the subjects, the 3% had outperformed the 97% combined on every major parameter. Truly amazing!
The paradox with me using such a story to make a point in a post on urban myths, is that’s it’s an urban myth itself.
I’ve heard many self-development gurus quote it. Brain Tracey never tires of it even though he’s been trotting it out for the better part of a century, or so it seems. He’s quoted as saying when told it wasn’t true:
“Well it should be” Way to go Brian! If only scientists could get behind that rather unique way of thinking.
Having said that, I do think there are reasons why writing goals down is useful, not least of which is the sheer fact of putting our thoughts on paper forces us to clarify them. Seeing something written down is different and uses a different part of the brain to simply pondering an idea.
It’s also cool to write notes to aid memory, make to-do lists or keep a gratitude journal. However, what’s not acceptable in my opinion is when we are writing down how shit our life is in an attempt to sort it out.
A client only recently asked me why I didn’t want him to journal his thoughts?
It was because they were all negative ones and writing down stuff that makes you feel crap is not an answer. I know some therapists use it (and I’m sure it works with certain types of people otherwise obviously they wouldn’t do so), but I’m dead set against it.
Like writing down goals helps embed them, writing crap about yourself does the same. Where is the value in that, especially as there are nearly always more pleasant routes to the same destination?
5. A Leopard Never Changes It’s Spots
We’ve all heard people say things like this and I’ve had clients question their own ability to change many times.
Putting aside mental illness because I’m in no way qualified to talk on that topic, I believe everybody can change, at least somewhat.
If that is, they want to badly enough.
The reason I believe that, is because I have seen it happen time and time again. So by definition that means it’s not true.
It will often take a lot of hard work and commitment and that may be the reason some people don’t want to believe it.
Because let’s face it, it’s much easier to con yourself into believing change isn’t possible, in which case you don’t even have to bother trying.
6. Meditation Can Reduce Crime
I confess to taking this out of my Law of Attraction Is A Con post but it bears repetition.
In 1993 there was an attempt to prove that mass Transcendental Meditation could reduce the crime rate in Washington DC. Depending on which report you believe and on which day of the two month experiment it was, between 2,000 and 5,000 people attended the event.
However, if you try and research this event you are deluged by the same very official looking report in a myriad of different guises.
Every time I read something supporting the story it always linked back to this page which on closer inspection isn’t the Government body it appears to be.
When I first heard about this experiment in the cult movie (and one I love by the way, even though it does a lot of playing fast and loose with the truth) ‘What The Bleep Do We Know?’ I was stunned, but not especially surprised.
For what it’s worth, I do believe that thoughts have power, even if I have no idea what that power can do or even if we have the capability to harness it in a positive manner at this stage in our evolution.
The unfortunate reality for those perpetuating this particular urban myth is that 1993 was a record year for homicide in Washington DC.
This would suggest that if the crime rates did dip so steeply in June and July (crime usually drops during bad weather and is higher in the summer months) it must have been an absolute bloodbath of Biblical proportions for the rest of the year in DC, and it wasn’t.
7. Security Is Important
When I work with a clients values, security is something that comes up on a frequent basis. Often it will equate to financial security, but also job security, family security and just a general sense of overall security in life.
I never tell clients their values are wrong, but I must confess I don’t believe security is really a value.
Why?
Because it doesn’t exist!
Multi-millionaires have gone bankrupt, long-term loyal workers with Fortune 100 companies have seen their jobs vanish over night, successful entrepreneurs have lost all their business in the blink of an eye often through no fault of their own and super fit athletes in their prime have dropped dead from heart attacks.
Your life can be taken away from you at a moments notice. Brian Tracy once told me, 10,000 people die world wide reading blog posts about security every week! And if they don’t, they certainly should.
Security is trickier to grab hold of than a live salmon that’s coated itself in warm butter. In fact, security doesn’t even exist in nature and we all live in nature. So take the pressure off yourself and let it go.
So there you have it. Let’s hear your favorite urban myths pertaining to self development, or just tell me I’m flat out wrong because a couple I’ve listed are subjective.
Hey Tim- God forgive you for this list, except I’m with you on the first six.
The seventh one I’ll push back. In Sufism we talk about the “99 Qualities of God” – really an infinite number. These qualities are essential elements that we can access within our heart. Things like Love, Peace, Mercy, Compassion, Strength, Wisdom- some cultures used to ascribe these, or some of these, to the Muses. We receive them, we can share them and express them- but we don’t create them and own them.
So I absolutely agree with you that physical, in-the-world security isn’t possible because the world is an ever-changing place.
But, on this deeper, spiritual level, there is a Divine quality of “Safety” or security, if you will. You can call on this quality and experience it in very real ways, despite how the world changes around you.
When we talk about “values” here at Heart of Business, that’s the level we’re talk about them on- at the level of the heart and the Divine.
But, perhaps I’m quibbling, and talking about something that you weren’t even aiming at. Because what you wrote about, I actually agree with.
So why in the heck did I bother to comment? Maybe I need a nap…
love
@ Mark – You have my permission to take a nap mate!
I think you have taken it to a whole new level and I’m tempted to agree with you. But as you can imagine, few people I see are thinking through things quite that deeply ;-)
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by TimBrownson: 7 Myths of Self-Development Exposed – Forgive me Supreme Being of the Universe for doing a list post. http://snipurl.com/v4qdf…
Awesome debunking, Tim! I’m inclined to agree with Mark about security, though–of course financial security is a pipe dream, but one can still put certain systems in place to feel more secure, versus feeling exposed and too vulnerable.
I thought it was interesting that you don’t like the idea of writing crappy thoughts down–I find on days when my morning pages skew negative are often some of my clearest-thinking days and I think writing it all down helps get it out of my head and off the repeating loop. I think, for me, that’s partly because then my brain knows it’s been relayed and I’m not ignoring the thought (so then I can let it go), and it’s also probably partly because my default tends to be pretty optimistic/happy, so it’s not the only thing I’m writing, but anyway, I find recording my pettiest/crankiest/crappiest thoughts is a really useful exercise.
Hey Tim, great post (I know you just love that!).
Allow me to take issue with some of your points…
5. I don’t believe a Leopard can change its spots. Maybe it could add some new ones by applying mascara or something, but they’d wash off eventually.
4. Do you think there’s any value in writing the negative stuff down when you do it for it to be destroyed straight after (burned or torn up and binned) – a symbolic act from which you move on in your life?
7. I had security as one of my values. If it’s not a value, perhaps the ‘feeling’ of security is? What’s the difference between ‘feeling’ and something being real. What is reality? It’s all illusionary really, no?
P.S. Only 10% of my brain was used in the writing of this comment!
I like this text, it gives a fresh air in this self improvement blogging world! :)
I mostly agree that the third is myth “It Takes 28 Days To Form A Habit”. I think we need years!!!
And I don’t agree that writing about our crap doesn’t work. The crap can not be ignored, many people are not aware of their crap. You can escape from prison, if you don’t know you are in it?
@ Jessica – A ‘feeling’ of security is just that and unless we are going as deep (spiritually speaking) as Mark went, I think it’s completely illusory.
As I say to Mark below (I really should answers these comments from the top down!) I can see that working and I wouldn’t be against it.
It’s any behavior that becomes repetitive that only serves to keep reminding ourselves of what’s wrong rather than focusing in on what’s right.
@ Mark –
5 – I refer you you to the Leopard Reserach done at Yale in 1953, where 3 Leeopards did indeed change their spots.
4 – Yes, that could very well work. I don’t think I explained myself as well as I could have done. I was meaning regularly reading through stuff that demonstrates to ourselves what a fuck up we are.
7 – So what does that feeling give you? Keep going down and I bet you get to peace or something similar.
PS – That much? ;-)
@ zmajeva – I’d suggest of you don’t know you’re in prison and you’re happy then go with it. Dragging old stuff up will create the same feelings as they did in the first place. That’s seldom helpful and there are ways of moving forward without going backwards first.
“super fit athletes in their prime have dropped dead from heart attacks.”
Please tell me they were on something haha
@ rihgteouslover – Many haven’t been. I have known soccer players drop dead on the pitch. The guy that kicked off ultra running in the US (I forget his name now) dropped dead of a heart attack.
Then of course there are the likes of Flo-Jo who effectively killed herself.
So what you’re saying is I can build a profitable career by making up plausible sounding crap?
My game has been changed.
I do not know why this wasn’t the first thing you told me in coaching, we could have saved OODLES of time.
Hi Tim,
Re writing things down…seems like the difference in how we feel at the end of the day if we were to make it a practice to list everything we did get done as compared to what we didn’t. It seems to me that while both lists are accurate, an “I did…” list as compared to an “I didn’t…” list gives us a far different and more useful impression of ourselves to sleep on and move forward with.
Re a leopard can’t change its spots. I have no way of knowing this for sure, but a leopard’s probably pretty happy about that, as I’m pretty sure there’s some positive intention for those spots. It seems that sometimes so much effort is put into change that we have no energy left for seeing and using what is serving us well that fortunately, we can’t change.
Mark Silver’s comment on security and your subsequent comments re his…the content and tone – what is it reminding me of… wait, wait, that’s it! How to Be Rich and Happy. No waiting.
I’m just happy I made it through your whole post with dying.
that would be “without” dying. Wanted to practice the power of positive thinking and of writing things down.
I agree that security doesn’t exist. Security is a lack of vulnerabilities, and it’s the vulnerabilities that actually exist. Similarly, coldness is just an absense of heat, and darkness is just an absense of light. There is a way to get to absolute darkness with absolute zero temperature, but then there wouldn’t be anything interesting happening there at all: no life, no interactions, nothing. Absolute security would be just as boring.
I agree about your refutations of all the other points too, but I’m going to continue believing the one about 28 days to form a habit. This is because I find it does help to have a target number of times to repeat something in order to gain a sense of confidence that it will have a bit more staying power. Of course, continuing the “habit” will still probably take a little bit of attention, especially after slipping up on it. Resuming such a habit, though, probably takes no more than a week, unless it was stopped for a prolonged period of time. There are enough fuzzy lines around this idea that developing better habits can be easier with this belief than without it. Then again, that might just be positive thinking, which is admittedly not easy, but damn, is it ever HELPFUL!
Personal development myth #562:
“Paul McKenna can make you rich”
;)
Nice article. Enjoyed it. :)
@ Tracey – Sure you can, my personal motto is ‘Lie, lie and lie again and if that doesn’t work, lie about your lying” It’s kinda catchy dontchya think?
@ Karen – Yeh thanks for not dying! And I agree (obviously) about writing positive stuff down.
@ Qrystal – I do think there can be a lot of value in 28 or 30 day trials, as long as its approached without the ridiculous expectation of that will be enough to secure a life long habit that some people seem to believe in.
@ Tony – Somebody e-mailed me this morning to tell me I look like McKenna. I just burst into tears.
Tim: Yes, you do! :)
Another reason why I’m not a fan of writing down negative stuff – unless perhaps it is to fuel that bonfire that Mark mentioned – is that the more senses we get involved in something, the more likely we are to reinforce/remember it, which as you said is a great idea if what you want is more of feeling like you’re a wreck.
I would add one more myth – “focus on your strengths, not on your weaknesses”. Personally I prefer to focus on my weaknesses – I’ve taught myself to play the piano, run 5Ks, develop software, and to speak in public to name a few, while recognizing my weaknesses and working to improve each. It’s what I’m terrible at that intrigues me.
“if we’re only using 10% of our mental ability and have still managed to invent the Internet, space travel and cabbage patch dolls, what could we do if we tapped into the other 90%?”…
a lot :)
Hi Tim,
I have to confess that I’ve fallen for the first four hook line and sinker, especially the one about only using 10% of the brain. Reading this has been a revelation ;)
And sorry, I have to agree with your good man Tony. Didn’t think about it until he said but he’s right ;)
Ah one more thing time. Didn’t Albert Einstein tap into %15 of his brain? I guess that shows the power of doing so. But I did hear that if we used more than %20 percent we would drop dead, since the rest is used to like control the heart, and countless other functions we “don’t” control, becuase I’m pretty sure 2(1/2) pounds of brain isn’t just laying there.
Cheers
“When there is so much evidence staked up against them to prove otherwise, it seems they indeed may only be using 10% of their brains.” — Hahaha!
Totally agree with.
Though, every thing has 3 different views:
1) your view
2) my view
3) right view
I must say, here your view is the right view too :-)
Thanks for sharing Tim!
Loved reading those myth. I am not 100% sure about the writing things down one, that’s exactly what I was thinking about lately. I totally agree with you that writing shit about yourself is going to embed it even deeper into our subconscious, but at the same time I tried it myself and saw other people trying it and it does often work to help resolve the problem when you write about it.
@ Tony – Bastard!
@ Karen – Precisely, which is why taking notes is useful even if we never revisit them.
@ Jeremy – I actually don’t think that’s a myth. I think more people think you should focus on your weaknesses than otherwise. It was Marcus Buckinghams book that title of which I forget (was it Put Your Strengths To Work?), that started the whole working on your strengths thing.
Personally I have mixed feelings. If you want to be world-class then work on your strengths. If you want to be good at lots of things, concentrate on your weaknesses or on new things.
@ Chris – I guess we’ll never know.
@ Eleanor – I have believed them all too at some stage or other. Tony is currently having corrective laser eye surgery that I have paid for. Do you need it too?
@ righteouslover – We use all our brain! Einstein was no different to the rest of us in how much he used.
@ Roy – You seem to have missed my wifes view ;-)
@ Lana – As I said above I don’t think I explained myself very well with that. It’s the repetitive writing down of crap that is the issue for me.
Hey Tim,
Thanks for sharing this great read. It took me almost all day yesterday to digest alot of what you have said here because it goes so counter to anything I’ve learned in the world of self development.
On the 10% of our brain idea, I love that you called out politicians. Good laugh. I thought this seemed a little bit far fetched when I read it so it’s interesting to see it proven wrong.
As far as positive thinking and the media, I think of it as the matrix at work. It’s setup in such a way to keep the people at the top of the food chain lined with money in their pockets, while others are instructed to keep purchasing things in order to find fulfillment. Women’s magazines are among the worst culprits because the subcommunciation is pretty much that they are flawed. Most of the headlines read “Lose that last 15″ or “100 ways to please your man.” Dave Chapelle had a funny saying about the 100 ways, and it’s probably not appropriate to post here, but if you email me I’ll send it to you :).
On the writing it down bit, that’s kind of amazing that it’s an urban myth. I’ve heard that quoted in a few self improvement programs. Granted I’ve still written down my goals and I review them every single day (like affirmations) and I will say that I’ve made more progress in the last 6 months by doing that then I have in the past. But I also have taken action towards all these things so maybe it’s that they are at the forefront of my thinking and that’s why I’m making progress.
As far as security goes, I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine who is in medical school. He’s finishing up his md/phd at one of the top schools in the world and he’s completely confused about what he wants to do because he has so many options. Ultimately it sounds like he wants to start a company, but the opportunity to become a neurousurgeon is the safe path. I told him that safety net will keep him from taking the biggest risks that also reap the biggest rewards.
Hope you don’t mind that I just wrote a novel in your comments section :).
-Srinivas
This is a wonderful post and a great poke in the eye for coaches and other self-development ‘gurus’ and their followers.
If I were to add anything it would be that no principle, no matter how ‘powerful’ is the answer to everything, all the time (I’m talking to YOU, Law-of-Attraction Groupies!).
The movie, ‘Yes Man’ covered this beautifully, when the guru confessed that, of course, saying ‘yes’ all of the time would cause problems. The point is to find out how saying ‘yes’ (or trying any self-development tool) can open up your life. Then you have to learn to fine tune it or your life will be just as crazy as before.
Great list! :-)
My favourite/most annoying myth is the one about communication being 93% body language and only 7% words.
It’s self-evidently tosh, but here’s the disclaimer from the researcher himself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabian#Misinterpretation_of_Mehrabian.27s_rule
And a good piece on debunking the myth: http://www.ianbrodie.com/selling/debunking-the-myths-of-non-verbal-communication/
I chuckled throughout this article – thanks for brightening my day. I especially liked your very funny comment about the 10% rule: “The irony is the people making such claims may be the exceptions to the rule.”
@ Srinivas – No worries I like long comments! I was kinda disappointed to hear the Yale thing was bogus, but not as disappointed as Brain Tracey by the sounds of it!
@ Julia – Please don’t get me on the LoA I’ll be here all day. I’d forgotten about the ‘Yes Man’ but yes I liked that movie and it made an excellent point.
@ Mark – YES,YES,YES!! I even read that in Trust Agents recently and it’s complete bollocks! Damn, I might have to edit it to ’8 Myths’
Thanks for that.
@ Barbara – I wasn’t joking ;-)
I’m all in favor of questioning the status quo.
I once read a book on affirmations and it says you should write them down because this way you’re using an additional part of your brain and it will make them more powerful.
Seriously. Wrong.
Affirmations work best when done with emotional intensity, which is accomplished through tone of voice and body movement. Anthony Robbins refers to them as “incantations” when performed this way.
Writing your affirmations makes them weak in my opinion! Further, if you create circumstances where you have to write them down, you’re not going to bother doing it because it makes the act of doing it a royal pain the ass.
That quote about positive thinking is a total joke!
Nice Tim.
Sadly the Harvard one we use in workshops with young people when we’re talking about goal setting. I need to go back to the boss and inform her that it’s an urban myth. That’ll go down well.
I’ve been guilty of a few of these but have, after doing some actually learning in to some of these, realised that they are myths.
Really enjoyed this one Tim.
Hello Tim,
I must say you are very adventurous when putting ideas and posts to the blog.
Meditation reduces crime – this has to be true. Meditation helps the individual’s psychological and physiological well-being. It reduces anxiety, depression and so on …I am sure the people who committed crime and brought DC to the highest homicide 1993 year never attended or took advice on this option.
Bye for now,
Cheryl
Hello Tim,
I must say you are very adventurous when putting ideas and posts to the blog.
Meditation reduces crime – this has to be true. Meditation helps the individual’s psychological and physiological well-being. It reduces anxiety, depression and so on …I am sure the people who committed crime and brought DC to the highest homicide 1993 year never attended or took advice on this option.
Bye for now,
Cheryl
@ BF – Affirmation in any form have never been proved to do anything to the best of my knowledge. I’m not against them, and if you can point me to some proof I’d love to read it.
@ Ben – Is it ethical to use it if it gets the message across and people adopt positive behaviors? It’s a tough call.
@ Cheryl – I think you may have misunderstood. Check out the link to what the myth is all about. Do a Google search “Washington meditators lower crime” and you’ll see lots of reports claiming that a group of meditators lowered crime in general in DC not in themselves. It’s bogus.
I think it is a tough call Tim. But one thing that I think is important with young people is honesty. I’d feel uncomfortable now standing in front of a 100 teenagers and know that what I’m saying wasn’t try.
Need to find another example really.
[...] up is Tim over at his site A Daring Adventure who writes about the 7 Myths of Self-Development Exposed. Only 7? Which ones do you think he left [...]
I actually found this stuff really interesting! Ive always wondered about the brain thing… :)
Thanks for sharing such a good post. Definitely it will help people in Self Development. However I found http://urbanmonkdiaries.wordpress.com/ which also help people in Personality and Self Development, spirituality, urban living and enlightenment.
Really a fabulous post. There are several ways which can help u so self development just a person should be self aware about that . From my point of view mediation and positive thinking are the best way of self development. Above tips are very helpful to the people who are really willing to develop themselves and live better healthy life.
I have always been interested in the whole brain thing. This has some very valid points. Great read!
Security needs in every place because without it nothing is possible because if security is there we would be tension free from anything losing either it is money,respect or any other thing.