Attitude Is Everything
I was doing some sedate Sunday morning web trawling and I came across this post at the DocInTheBiz blog. This is a site I subscribe to and read on a regular basis and I like what Dr KC has to say.
Having said that, I love it when people I respect say something I disagree with, and this is a case in point. I guess in my pursuit of ongoing self improvement it really ought to be a side of my nature I should be looking to phase out, but I can’t help myself, I just love a good argument, er, I mean debate.
If you can’t be bothered to click on the link or if you’re anything like me and when you follow a link you then forget why you went there and never go back again, here is the crux of what she had to say.
The title of the post is: ‘Is Attitude Everything?’ I’m going to take a leap of faith here and presume she means attitude is everything in terms of personal success. Dr KC then explains that she thinks that attitude is 75% of ‘it’ but the other 25% ‘itness’ is made up of 20% extrinsic factors (relationships, jobs, environmental factors) and 5% luck.
I heartily agree with 75% of what she has to say and disagree with 25%.
In my humble opinion success is 100% attitude and 0% everything else.
I have to add that not only is this an opinion, but it’s an opinion based on my interpretation of success and that may well differ from yours. Definition of success is totally subjective, so I guess I should define what it means to me. I know, I know, it’s all about me again; I’m such an egomaniac. Don’t worry though humility is on my to-do list of personal changes at # 187 and 3 places above ‘drop sarcastic argumentative behavior, it’s not big and it’s not clever’ so I’ll be getting round to it in about 9 years.
Success to me is living in alignment with ones own values.
Is that it? Well yeh, pretty much. Sorry for the anti-climax.
Anybody that lives in alignment with his or her values is leading a successful life in my opinion. Success isn’t an amount of money, an award, a big house, a position of power or even having 5,000 subscribers to your blog. All of those are well and good if that’s what you want and may indeed come to a successful person, but they indicate nothing other than the person concerned has money, an award or two, a big house, a position of power and is read a lot.
Was Marilyn Monroe or Richard Nixon a success? What about Howard Hughes or even Jimi Hendrix? Then there’s Jack Bauer the worlds greatest spy come homicidal lunatic, he MUST be a success, right?
You don’t need me to tell you all of those people will have been looked upon as huge successes by millions of people, yet all died deeply troubled and unhappy, how successful is that? Even a fictional character like Jack Bauer is seen as a success. This is one of the most troubled souls ever to walk the planet we’re talking about. He’s had more failed relationships that Elizabeth Taylor, suffered more serious injuries than the entire the Marine Corps and killed more people than the bubonic plague and he’s still seen as Mr. Cool. Men want to be him, women want to bed him and evil-doers probably want to be killed by him. What’s going on? The fact is, I love the little scallywag too!
I have absolutely no idea how this post got here and what the relevance is, but I’m going to dust myself down and crack on regardless, so bear with me as I try and drag it back to the point at hand.
If you have a great attitude, which to me involves living in alignment with your values then it doesn’t matter about any of the external stuff. Everything else is just fluff because you will be a huge success in your own eyes and that’s what matters most. Most of us like the approval of others, but when it dictates who we are as people then the balance is way out of kilter and we’re going to struggle to be happy.
Let’s take a ridiculous example to drive home the point.
Can you think of anybody that has had his country invaded, been in exile for almost 40 years, seen his countrymen and women butchered and still remained in a state of calm and retained his dignity? Of course you can.
I’m guessing that you’re not the Dalai Lama, but you’re very similar. You have the same ability to decide how you respond to external events that he has. You may not think you have, but I beg to differ because you’re a human being and it’s your attitude that dictates what you can and cannot achieve. It may take you 25 years of hard work to get there, but those 25 years will come to pass whatever you decide to do.
Is it easy to retain a brilliant can-do attitude when things are going tits up to coin a lovely Old Englishe phrase? No of course not, it’s harder than hell but that’s not the point., it can be done and it’s up to you whether you have the desire to do it or not.
If you have a brilliant attitude you’ll see reversals in fortune no matter what they are, as opportunities in disguise and that makes you a success in my eyes, but who cares what I think?
Final note: I am on the fence as to whether a change of attitude can bring somebody out of severe depression, bi-polar etc. My gut feeling is that chemical imbalances are caused by thinking rather than vice versa, but that is purely a lay-persons opinion so take it for what it’s worth.
A change of attitude really can change one’s life.
I wake up in the morning with this Discovery channel’s video to remember that I really can change everything in my life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at_f98qOGY0
enjoy:)
Tim,
I know this answer comes late, but I just noticed this post here.
Yes, chemical imbalances can occur at any age; however, there is no definite science to any of this and that is what makes it most difficult!
Children under 2 years of age are possibly just beginning to talk or to be able to express themselves. They cannot really understand what they are thinking or feeling and most doctors who witness or observe unhealthy behaviors in this age group will concede to say, “they will just grow out of it”. I can understand why they would wait and say this about the younger group because how can you diagnose a 2 year old? However, they even do this with older children (mainly because they view the “abnormal” behaviors as manipulation) and it’s a shame because this can allow major fear to replace many years of happy childhhood.
It’s a tough call. And like I said, since there is no exact science to it all, it’s mostly subjective.
I wish I could solve the mysteries that surround chemical imbalances. Then I would invite all my friends and we’d go to an island and drink out of glasses with tiny umbrellas in them. Not only because I’d be RICH doctor, but because we’d be celebrating freedom from mental/emotional anguish!
Doc KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Tim, well, I pouted and I cried because you ignored me, but I have forgiven you now. :) lol
@ Doc N – I fully agree that once severe mental illness has set in then medication is called for and some people simply can’t change without it.
My question to Doc KC on her site was this though and I’m paraphrasing
Have the above illness’s been observed in children under about 2 years of age? If not, why not? If it’s a chemical imbalance then surely it can occur at any age unless that is, it’s initially caused by thinking patterns.
As a doctor I am going to have to reside on the Dr. KC side of this discussion. As much as I want to believe that our attitude is 100% and as much as is SHOULD be 100% there are still pathologically ill people out there that suffer from life altering cases of schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, chronic dysthymia, bipolar, and the like that simply cannot be healed with attitude alone. It would be absolutely positively BRILLIANT if they could, but much of what they are suffering from is a biochemical imbalance that requires treatment with medications.
Some people are so completely ill that they are unable to even be reasoned with. I recently got attacked by a reader on my blog for suggesting that people that are depressed go out and volunteer.
Now I think the majority of people understand that if you are clinically depressed under suicide watch at Fairfax that you are not in any state to volunteer. However, volunteering was more of a long term approach to their condition than a “cure for it”.
I like the spirit of this blog and sincerely wish that we could cure all disease with attitude, but attitude like any other treatment has it’s limitations. And in some cases simply will just not be enough.
@ Jennifer – I have no idea how your comment appeared before I replied to the others!
Sorry if it looked like I was ignoring you.
I have checked out your site and I’ll be back to contribute and I agree that as long as we help to change the thinking, who cares whether the chicken or the egg came first!
@ Joely _ I love that and rather sadly I thought Wayne Dyer said it!!!! Buddha sounds more fitting ;-)
@ Benny – Thanks, and to be fair it really is all shades of gray. It doesn’t hurt to play Devils Advocate from time to time though ;-)
Well, the heat is on about attitude…. :)
Attitude is so huge!!!! I have learned that the hard way, but glad I have learned it!
Tim, thank you so much for giving us so much to think about. I really apprecite what you are doing around here. I love your definition of success. It goes right along with what I have been blogging so much about. I think you would enjoy this post: http://principlesforpeace.com/?p=63
I’m going to check out your free ebook.
In regards to your last paragraph I think you will REALLY enjoy this info if you have not read it yet.
http://principlesforpeace.com/?p=37
Really, I think that it’s not so important where the imbalance came from as long as we can change it with out thinking, but I am of the belief that the majority of imbalances do first arise in our thinking. I am involved in a program in which we teach students how to change their thinking and the very vast majority of students never need antidepressants again (although we never tell them to go off of them. They make the decision.)
I read yours and I read KC’s – I have to say – I am somewhere in between. I love the way you are looking at it – but she is not far off either.
I have an issue with something being everything – kinda like all the eggs in one basket theory – although you can never have too much positive attitude.
It is huge – it is almost everything…
Great article within an article
Benny
I really like this post, and agree completely.
There is a wonderful Tibetan wisdom that runs something along the lines of this: if you have a problem and you can solve it, then you don’t need to worry about it; if you have a problem and it can’t be solved, then there’s no point worrying about it. I was reminded of this watching Seven Years In Tibet over the weekend. It put my own situation in perspective, and how I learned not to worry about it all.
The title of my blog should be “How I learned to stop worrying and love poverty.”
@ Verod. Wow a little bit of a fan. That’s the nicest compliment I’ve had since somebody said to me “Well I wouldn’t say you’re hideous”
Let me see if I can improve on that with my next post tentatively and originally titled ‘How To Improve Your Attitude’
Dear Tim,
I thank you for your comment and appreciate and respect your beliefs.
I do think you have gotten my overall idea incorrectly though, as I was not referring to “attitude” only in the respect of “success” or “failure”. I was referring to how a person’s life can be altered severely by brain chemical imbalances that lead to debilitating disorders such as anxiety and depression.
I speak of more in detail about this idea in my article: http://docinthebiz.com/blog/are-there-such-things-as-brain-chemical-imbalances/
I do believe that attitude is indeed (for the most part) everything when it comes to a person who does not have neurotransmitters misfiring. However, when you do have chemicals, beyond your control, playing a part in your life, this severely changes everything.
Take a child with a chemical imbalance. Can you say that you can tell that child that they have to change their attitude and just go to a friend’s house to play when they are resistant to go because they have been having debilitating and horrific panic attacks that they cannot even describe or explain because they don’t know how to do so? They would rather be around their safe place or safe person during these attacks to at least bring a bit of comfort to this mystifying and confusing phenomenon that “takes over him/her.” Attacks are often uncued and hence, creates the anticipatory anxiety that leads to not wanting to go to the party for fear they will have an attack there. I hope this sheds some sort of light for you to understand from where I am coming.
Thank you for your comment and please keep reading and posting.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
Glad you’re healthy. :)
There’s an old Jewish saying that goes something like (loosely translating from Hebrew here) “a rich man is a man who is satisfied with what he’s got”.
The IDEA that having a great attitude towards life means success and happiness isn’t new, and it is absolutely brilliant. I am already a little bit of a fan of yours, but if you find a way to teach me how to ACTUALLY CHANGE MY ATTITUDE, then I’ll become your biggest fan.